Insert any thing in that title that you want to try but are afraid to talk to your partner about…

I’ve been there, I know how hard it can be to set down and ask you partner to induldge in a fantasy you have.  It’s intimidating in every possible way.  But if you are in a good, stable relationship your partner wants to know what pleases you.  I have found that often when partners aren’t communicating their sexual needs that the number of times that the couple has sex declines almost immediately.  Then there are the side effects like lowered self esteem and increased feelings of rejection.

Seems a waste to go through all that just because you are to afraid to tell your partner what you need.  One may lead to flying solo while the other is a direct path to it.

So how do you break the ice.  Make it as comfortable as you possibly can.  If you can’t face them while you tell them, turn off the lights or turn around during the conversation.  Be prepared for your partner to have some questions and make sure you have the answers.  Telling your partner I want you to tie me up and leave me for an hour while you go make a sandwich and watch tv is going to give them cause to ask a few questions.  Let them ask with out worry your get mad or upset and answer them knowing that your partner may be a bit surprised by your needs.

Above all else be open and honest.  As long as you are able to do that and relay your feelings without making things sound like it’s your partners fault you aren’t satisified you’ll be just fine.

Talking to you partner is never easy to do and it seems I’m not the only one who feels that way. I’ve been watching the stats here to see what posts you guys are really digging on and so far out of all the posts it seems like the most popular is the post I did about talking to your partner about your sexual needs.  In light of this I’ve decided to write up another post about the subject since I’m hoping that it’s helping a few of you to have a much more fulfilling sex life.

So here’s the thing.
This isn’t a one time only situation.  You can’t expect that your going to set down and have this great heart to heart and never have to say another damn word again.  Sorry guys, it just doesn’t work that way though I wish it did.

See we tend to build up more than just walls, we build habits.  It’s the little things that these habits have caused that can be the real elephant in the room.  It’s not nearly enough to tell your partner that you need them to be more dominant in the bedroom some times you have to take their hand and guide them a bit.

But how can you be submissive and guide your partner?  It’s actually easier than it sounds to be perfectly honest.  You have to keep the lines of communication open at all times for one.  And yes occasionally you will have to be the catalyst for your sex life.  For instance ladies, if you walk into a room with a collar, cuffs and leather on holding  a leash I think your partner may get the picture.

Another thing, don’t be afraid of porn.  I post pictures and now video clips from sites like The Training Of O, Sex and Submission and Public Disgrace here for a reason.  These sites are educational for those of us getting into the lifestyle as well as entertaining.  For some potential Doms this can be what shows them how to go about dominating you.  Think about it, just about all the things you know how to do some one taught you in one way or another.  Whether it was some one setting you down and showing you how to do it or if it was you watching some one do some thing.  The point is at some point in time there was another party there to help guide you.  These sites I post about will do the same thing but better.  You can watch them with your partner and use them to decide what is and isn’t ok for you.  You can see what things turn you on and so can your partner.  If your here odds are good you already know you are into BDSM so the battle is half won already now we just have to get your partner on the same page.

Set down with them and show them this site.
Use the links to go to some of the adult sites I have provided here.
Take the time to watch videos and talk about your needs and how your partner can help to meet those needs.

If you or your partner have questions then ask them.  Use the comments area to ask me any thing you like.  I’ve got tons of contacts and am happy to do the research for you so all you have to do is read the answer.  And best of all, I’ve been where you are.  In fact there are days where I still feel like the amoeba under the microscope, so I get where you are at.  Just remember nothing ventured nothing gained and it’s your sex life. You get what you deserve out of it.

So I was on Twitter (twitter.com/Divashane) and thought maybe I should take some questions from those who might have a few.  So if you have some questions about BDSM, BBW’s or a combo of the two now is your chance to ask.  As I am lucky enough to have the hook up I can go to some pretty knowledgeable people if I don’t have the answer myself.  I’ll be checking this post regularly to make sure I don’t miss any questions.  Because I’m trying to keep this a serious Q & A session please try to stay on topic with your questions.  I’m looking forward to answering a ton of questions… Don’t let me down!!

So yesterday I was talking about being a BBW into BDSM and because of that post I decided to go out and find some good adult BDSM sites that featured BBW’s.  This was far more difficult than I thought it would be.  In fact it was down right disheartening.

Out of all the sites I looked at (roughly 40) I found sites that  all the sites  claimed to have BBW girls in fetish situations. But most of them were kinda chubby girls doing facesitting or some femdom shit.  One or two actually had some pics of submissive women tied up but that was more the Vivid Pictures type of tied up.  Still another segment of this search was made up of thumbnail galleries so there was the sames videos and pictures over 5 sites.  No really, 5 sites in a row listed on google were exactly the same with different colors.  They didn’t even change the layouts.

It was however, the last set of sites I saw that finally led me to a decent place to find BBW BDSM.  The place is called Padded Kink and it’s run by Kelly Shibari.  I know lots of sites say that it’s presented by such and such but Kelly really is involved in all the day to day activities.  The reason this is so damned cool is because she is a spectacular BBW who doesn’t have the last name of Shibari by accident.  Kelly is a submissive girl who really does like being dominated and yes that does include some bondage.

Now if you read my site back in the day you know that I have done work in the adult industry and know several people working in the biz today including our Miss Kelly Shibari.  So full disclosure I talked with her just today about Padded Kink and told her that I loved the site and every thing she is doing there.  Maybe if we are really nice she will stop by and answer some questions for her fans….

So I wanted to show you some of what I loved so much about her site.  I hope that you guys agree with me that Padded Kink may be one of the most innovated adult sites on the internet.

Kelly Shibari is chained to a tree in the woods.

Kelly Shibari forced to lick her masters boot.

Occasionally when some one is feeling quite rude they ask how I can be into BDSM as a big girl. Questions seem to about like, “doesn’t it hurt to be suspended because of all that weight.  Answer: I don’t do suspension because I don’t have any where to do it, though I have no fear of it.  BDSM includes pain it’s all part and parcel to the whole package.  And besides, I would totally rock the suspension look!

Seems to me there shouldn’t be any kind of division when it comes to BDSM. Like only the skinny girls can play.  In fact I think the two actually go together quite nicely.  Consider this, BDSM is still a “back room” lifestyle.  You can’t mosey into just any ol’  bar and start telling would be partners that all you really want is to be tied up with rope, spanked with a paddle, made to cum over and over as hard as possible,  forced to suck cock all night, then get brutally fucked in the ass.  While it sounds good in theory most will consider that a joke and be more than a touch uncomfortable.  Then you add the over weight factor where you already feel like every one is judging you as soon as you walk into a room.  Let’s just say it’s not the funnest.

So BDSM and BBW’s aren’t exactly strange bedfellows at all. Maybe  it’s not considered socially gracefully to be tied up and led around by a leash so you can go to your happy place when that dress you love doesn’t fit. But if that is what makes you happy and gets your rocks off what does it matter what size you are?  Now don’t misunderstand me, in my situation I am not trying to do a replacement therapy program to get over being a BBW.  Actually it’s quite the opposite.  I realized that BDSM fits with what I enjoy in life and what I need to find my happy place.

Ok, so that was semi rantish and I’m not entirely sure that it made sense.  I just had a run in with some one who was quite rude in an adult shop.  Who does that?  Talking smack on some one else in a porn store just doesn’t really seem like a smart idea.  So now I’ve bitched a bit and hopefully some of what I said makes sense to some one.

Until next time…

So I’m sure as many of you may have noticed this site has been dark for oh, about 5 months now.  I guess it’s as good a time as any to explain my sudden and complete dissapearance from the site.  It was the economy pure and simple.  I had gone back to work in a part time capacity but Dom and I quickly found out that wasn’t going to be enough.  Even with both of us working we were falling behind on every thing.  Not being ones to wallow in our misery we picked ourselves up by our bootstraps (not literally) and took on extra jobs in order to cover the bills.  But with all that working we were both so damned tired that I had no energy to post and most of the time there wasn’t any thing to post about.  So you can look forward to my insights about how to include sex if you have a full schedule in the coming days.

Since we lost all of our content in a tragic server accident I don’t have any of the old articles any more so if you happen to have them if you could send me over a copy I would be greatly appreciative.  I’m also thinking of taking the blog in a new direction, less titillation and more information.  I noticed the last time I looked at my stats that is what you all seemed to like best on Sinful Erotica.  So I may be doing some polls soon to get new feedback on what aspects of the lifestyle you want more information about. If you have any suggestions please let me know, I love to hear from people who are reading my posts.

So much like the ladies above you don’t know what’s coming, but you have an idea.  I hope your as excited as I’m pretty sure these young ladies are I know I am.